Linda: Part 1

As a little girl, one of my favorite things to do was to spend the night at my aunt's house. At bedtime, her husband, Joie, would sit down on the end of the bed and tell me and my cousins the most unbelievable tall tales. His favorite theme was oceanic exploration. He had a scuba … Continue reading Linda: Part 1

My Floridian Earthquake

A few months ago, I decided I was going to pack up my bags in Nashville and move to South Florida—a place where retirees flock like migrating geese. You know you've made it when you're a huge hit with the 65+ crowd. It's all good. I got an AARP membership, doe. https://youtu.be/VwXeN2FsE7w At the time, … Continue reading My Floridian Earthquake

How a Magical Talking Pen Turned Me Into a Childhood Bully

bully

I flew out of my mom's child bride-sized body a month after she turned 20. Oddly enough, her pregnancy was planned, since she wanted to have kids before the end of the world. Yes, you heard that correctly. When I asked her a few years ago why she decided to have children at such a … Continue reading How a Magical Talking Pen Turned Me Into a Childhood Bully

Gather Round, Children—Here’s What It’s Like to Travel to Different Dimensions (and Jupiter)

July 12, 2019, is an important date that will go down in every copy of history books handed out to future high school students. Why? Well, on this date, the first human landed on Jupiter. This person went through absolutely no training and was utterly unprepared. You're probably asking, "Who might this mystery person be?" … Continue reading Gather Round, Children—Here’s What It’s Like to Travel to Different Dimensions (and Jupiter)

Well, Spain Was Just as Wonderful as I Thought It’d Be

When I was in college, one of my best friends dated a now professional football player who was from the ever-so-sultry España. His name was even Alejandro, which made him exactly 99.8% hotter. They got pretty serious, which meant that lucky b*tch got to go to Spain to meet his family. This was before Instagram … Continue reading Well, Spain Was Just as Wonderful as I Thought It’d Be

Voyaging Across the Atlantic Like a Very Rich Early 20th Century Immigrant

map-world-travel

A few weeks ago, my boyfriend and chief engineer on an 150 ft. super yacht asked me if I'd be interested in crossing the Atlantic Ocean with him on a massive 700 ft. transport ship called Dockwise. Basically, the Dockwise ship takes 14 super yachts from Fort Lauderdale to the Mediterranean. I can honestly say, … Continue reading Voyaging Across the Atlantic Like a Very Rich Early 20th Century Immigrant