How a Magical Talking Pen Turned Me Into a Childhood Bully

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I flew out of my mom's child bride-sized body a month after she turned 20. Oddly enough, her pregnancy was planned, since she wanted to have kids before the end of the world. Yes, you heard that correctly. When I asked her a few years ago why she decided to have children at such a … Continue reading How a Magical Talking Pen Turned Me Into a Childhood Bully

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Gather Round, Children—Here’s What It’s Like to Travel to Different Dimensions (and Jupiter)

July 12, 2019, is an important date that will go down in every copy of history books handed out to future high school students. Why? Well, on this date, the first human landed on Jupiter. This person went through absolutely no training and was utterly unprepared. You're probably asking, "Who might this mystery person be?" … Continue reading Gather Round, Children—Here’s What It’s Like to Travel to Different Dimensions (and Jupiter)

Shower Praying My Way Through Life

shower prayer noun [sh-ou-wer pr-ay-er] The formalized act of spiritual cleansing performed when one desperately prays in the shower to a higher power.  Example: I sat down in the shower and did a lengthy 40-minute shower prayer that brought me into direct communication with the divine. I felt at peace with my life and for … Continue reading Shower Praying My Way Through Life

How a Doll Named Puddin’ and Her French Sisters Fueled My Childhood Nightmares for Years

When I was a little girl, my grandmother gave me a present that fueled my nightmares for years. Her name was Puddin', not to be mistaken for Pudding, which is something I actually enjoy. To this day, I'm terrified of babies and dolls, so I just want to take this opportunity to thank my mom … Continue reading How a Doll Named Puddin’ and Her French Sisters Fueled My Childhood Nightmares for Years

Channeling My Inner Haley Joel Osment at One of Savannah’s Weirdest Airbnb’s

About a year and a half ago, I fell in love with the city of Savannah, Georgia. Basically, Savannah is forged from the mind of someone who is seriously dark and demented, but also into super cute and pretty stuff, too. If that doesn't sound like me, I don't know what does. Everywhere you step … Continue reading Channeling My Inner Haley Joel Osment at One of Savannah’s Weirdest Airbnb’s

I Survived a Close Encounter with a Bear… and Almost Sh*tting Myself

Have you ever stared into the pit-less eyes of a black bear? Me neither, because I was too busy running to the other side of the bridge to get away from it. Actually, I was such a little bitch, that the video I have of this epic wildlife encounter is just the camera going everywhere … Continue reading I Survived a Close Encounter with a Bear… and Almost Sh*tting Myself