Linda: Part 1

As a little girl, one of my favorite things to do was to spend the night at my aunt's house. At bedtime, her husband, Joie, would sit down on the end of the bed and tell me and my cousins the most unbelievable tall tales. His favorite theme was oceanic exploration. He had a scuba … Continue reading Linda: Part 1

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How a Magical Talking Pen Turned Me Into a Childhood Bully

bully

I flew out of my mom's child bride-sized body a month after she turned 20. Oddly enough, her pregnancy was planned, since she wanted to have kids before the end of the world. Yes, you heard that correctly. When I asked her a few years ago why she decided to have children at such a … Continue reading How a Magical Talking Pen Turned Me Into a Childhood Bully

Gather Round, Children—Here’s What It’s Like to Travel to Different Dimensions (and Jupiter)

July 12, 2019, is an important date that will go down in every copy of history books handed out to future high school students. Why? Well, on this date, the first human landed on Jupiter. This person went through absolutely no training and was utterly unprepared. You're probably asking, "Who might this mystery person be?" … Continue reading Gather Round, Children—Here’s What It’s Like to Travel to Different Dimensions (and Jupiter)

Shower Praying My Way Through Life

shower prayer noun [sh-ou-wer pr-ay-er] The formalized act of spiritual cleansing performed when one desperately prays in the shower to a higher power.  Example: I sat down in the shower and did a lengthy 40-minute shower prayer that brought me into direct communication with the divine. I felt at peace with my life and for … Continue reading Shower Praying My Way Through Life

The Moon Isn’t Real, Donald Trump is a Reptilian Alien, and Other Stories by My Lyft Driver

ufo-aliens

On Wednesday night, I arrived back in California after a short visit to Fort Lauderdale. A few weeks before, I was complaining to my boyfriend about how boring people in California are and that I didn't have much to write about these days. Everyone I know works so hard to maintain an Instagram image and … Continue reading The Moon Isn’t Real, Donald Trump is a Reptilian Alien, and Other Stories by My Lyft Driver

Stop Overcompensating for Your Sh*tty Relationship on Facebook

drake quotes relationship bad

First of all, I want to preface that this post is in no shape, form, or fashion about one  person or a couple in particular. I see this weekly, if not daily. And I know you all do, too. With that also being said, if the shoe fits, mutha fuggin' wear it with pride, because … Continue reading Stop Overcompensating for Your Sh*tty Relationship on Facebook

I Accidentally Went to a Restaurant Entirely Made Out of Garlic

stinking rose LA

This past weekend, I decided to drive up to LA to hangout with one of my friends who lives there. Although I try to avoid this place like the plague, I knew that having dinner there would mean we could actually go somewhere a bit off the beaten path. Ultimately, my restaurant choice was more like … Continue reading I Accidentally Went to a Restaurant Entirely Made Out of Garlic