As a little girl, one of my favorite things to do was to spend the night at my aunt's house. At bedtime, her husband, Joie, would sit down on the end of the bed and tell me and my cousins the most unbelievable tall tales. His favorite theme was oceanic exploration. He had a scuba … Continue reading Linda: Part 1
I flew out of my mom's child bride-sized body a month after she turned 20. Oddly enough, her pregnancy was planned, since she wanted to have kids before the end of the world. Yes, you heard that correctly. When I asked her a few years ago why she decided to have children at such a … Continue reading How a Magical Talking Pen Turned Me Into a Childhood Bully
July 12, 2019, is an important date that will go down in every copy of history books handed out to future high school students. Why? Well, on this date, the first human landed on Jupiter. This person went through absolutely no training and was utterly unprepared. You're probably asking, "Who might this mystery person be?" … Continue reading Gather Round, Children—Here’s What It’s Like to Travel to Different Dimensions (and Jupiter)
shower prayer noun [sh-ou-wer pr-ay-er] The formalized act of spiritual cleansing performed when one desperately prays in the shower to a higher power. Example: I sat down in the shower and did a lengthy 40-minute shower prayer that brought me into direct communication with the divine. I felt at peace with my life and for … Continue reading Shower Praying My Way Through Life
On Wednesday night, I arrived back in California after a short visit to Fort Lauderdale. A few weeks before, I was complaining to my boyfriend about how boring people in California are and that I didn't have much to write about these days. Everyone I know works so hard to maintain an Instagram image and … Continue reading The Moon Isn’t Real, Donald Trump is a Reptilian Alien, and Other Stories by My Lyft Driver
After graduating from college, I moved to Nashville, and developed my own #meToo story, filled with sexual harassment and an attempt to dissolve my self esteem. My first real job was as an assistant to a wannabe business mogul who owned a recruiting company. At the interview, he seemed normal and nice. There was nothing … Continue reading My First Sexual Harassment: A Coming of Age Story
In 9th grade, I had the body of a 32-year-old woman, the eyebrows of a lunatic, and the style of an Abercrombie and Fitch catalog from circa 2004. The cherry on top? I just moved schools. I only really knew a couple of people before I moved, so I was open to making new friends. … Continue reading Mean Boys: All My Friends in High School Were Gay Men. It Was Awesome.