Giving a speech under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol is always a bad idea. Take it from me, kids.
In 9th grade, I had the body of a 32-year-old woman, the eyebrows of a lunatic, and the style of an Abercrombie and Fitch catalog from circa 2004. The cherry on top? I just moved schools. I only really knew a couple of people before I moved, so I was open to making new friends. … Continue reading Mean Boys: All My Friends in High School Were Gay Men. It Was Awesome.
When I graduated college, I believed that the world was my oyster. What I later found out was that the world was my oyster, but only in the sense that I needed to find the pearl ASAP, so I could sell it in order make my next student loan payment. Upon graduation, I honestly believed … Continue reading 🍕My First Job Out of College Required Me to Rub Cream on an 100-Year-Old Man, but at Least I Wasn’t a Pizza Delivery Boy 🍕
If you need a long-term panic attack, I highly suggest living beside a nursing home. In my case, the situation is comparable to a cute young couple who find out 10 minutes into a horror movie that their surprisingly cheap new home is possessed with ancient demons. Naively, I couldn't believe it when I found an … Continue reading The Shawshank Redemption: Nursing Home Edition