How a Magical Talking Pen Turned Me Into a Childhood Bully

bully

I flew out of my mom's child bride-sized body a month after she turned 20. Oddly enough, her pregnancy was planned, since she wanted to have kids before the end of the world. Yes, you heard that correctly. When I asked her a few years ago why she decided to have children at such a … Continue reading How a Magical Talking Pen Turned Me Into a Childhood Bully

Advertisements

Gather Round, Children—Here’s What It’s Like to Travel to Different Dimensions (and Jupiter)

July 12, 2019, is an important date that will go down in every copy of history books handed out to future high school students. Why? Well, on this date, the first human landed on Jupiter. This person went through absolutely no training and was utterly unprepared. You're probably asking, "Who might this mystery person be?" … Continue reading Gather Round, Children—Here’s What It’s Like to Travel to Different Dimensions (and Jupiter)

Voyaging Across the Atlantic Like a Very Rich Early 20th Century Immigrant

map-world-travel

A few weeks ago, my boyfriend and chief engineer on an 150 ft. super yacht asked me if I'd be interested in crossing the Atlantic Ocean with him on a massive 700 ft. transport ship called Dockwise. Basically, the Dockwise ship takes 14 super yachts from Fort Lauderdale to the Mediterranean. I can honestly say, … Continue reading Voyaging Across the Atlantic Like a Very Rich Early 20th Century Immigrant

The Moon Isn’t Real, Donald Trump is a Reptilian Alien, and Other Stories by My Lyft Driver

ufo-aliens

On Wednesday night, I arrived back in California after a short visit to Fort Lauderdale. A few weeks before, I was complaining to my boyfriend about how boring people in California are and that I didn't have much to write about these days. Everyone I know works so hard to maintain an Instagram image and … Continue reading The Moon Isn’t Real, Donald Trump is a Reptilian Alien, and Other Stories by My Lyft Driver

Stop Overcompensating for Your Sh*tty Relationship on Facebook

drake quotes relationship bad

First of all, I want to preface that this post is in no shape, form, or fashion about one  person or a couple in particular. I see this weekly, if not daily. And I know you all do, too. With that also being said, if the shoe fits, mutha fuggin' wear it with pride, because … Continue reading Stop Overcompensating for Your Sh*tty Relationship on Facebook

Riding in a Creeper Van on the Way to New Zealand, Visiting Akaroa, and Attempting to Eat White Bait

akaroa new zealand

New Zealand is basically like Australia's cooler younger brother. There's no poisonous creatures lurking in the bushes determined to kill you, the beaches and coasts are just as gorgeous, and to be perfectly honest, the people are way more attractive. Sorry, Australia. It's just true. In October, my kiwi boyfriend asked me to go visit … Continue reading Riding in a Creeper Van on the Way to New Zealand, Visiting Akaroa, and Attempting to Eat White Bait