First of all, I want to preface that this post is in no shape, form, or fashion about one person or a couple in particular. I see this weekly, if not daily. And I know you all do, too. With that also being said, if the shoe fits, mutha fuggin' wear it with pride, because … Continue reading Stop Overcompensating for Your Sh*tty Relationship on Facebook
I decided to start off the New Year by taking on the challenge of owning a new pet. I felt like my pet fish, Baby Drac Drac, was getting a bit lonely and he needed a companion to keep him company during the day. In the beginning, Dracula was sort of a test trial pet, … Continue reading I Got Attacked By a Demon-Possessed Cat, Here’s How it Went
Giving a speech under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol is always a bad idea. Take it from me, kids.
When I graduated college, I believed that the world was my oyster. What I later found out was that the world was my oyster, but only in the sense that I needed to find the pearl ASAP, so I could sell it in order make my next student loan payment. Upon graduation, I honestly believed … Continue reading 🍕My First Job Out of College Required Me to Rub Cream on an 100-Year-Old Man, but at Least I Wasn’t a Pizza Delivery Boy 🍕
If you need a long-term panic attack, I highly suggest living beside a nursing home. In my case, the situation is comparable to a cute young couple who find out 10 minutes into a horror movie that their surprisingly cheap new home is possessed with ancient demons. Naively, I couldn't believe it when I found an … Continue reading The Shawshank Redemption: Nursing Home Edition
When I was a little girl, my grandmother gave me a present that fueled my nightmares for years. Her name was Puddin', not to be mistaken for Pudding, which is something I actually enjoy. To this day, I'm terrified of babies and dolls, so I just want to take this opportunity to thank my mom … Continue reading How a Doll Named Puddin’ and Her French Sisters Fueled My Childhood Nightmares for Years
Based on a recent traveling experience, let me tell you how much I hate people. On my way back from Seattle, there was a woman sitting next to me on the plane, who felt the need to wrap pretzels in not one, but about nine plastic bags. This meant that every time she reached in … Continue reading I Hate People: Airport Edition.