When I was a little girl, my grandmother gave me a present that fueled my nightmares for years. Her name was Puddin', not to be mistaken for Pudding, which is something I actually enjoy. To this day, I'm terrified of babies and dolls, so I just want to take this opportunity to thank my mom … Continue reading How a Doll Named Puddin’ and Her French Sisters Fueled My Childhood Nightmares for Years
Based on a recent traveling experience, let me tell you how much I hate people. On my way back from Seattle, there was a woman sitting next to me on the plane, who felt the need to wrap pretzels in not one, but about nine plastic bags. This meant that every time she reached in … Continue reading I Hate People: Airport Edition.
Have you ever stared into the pit-less eyes of a black bear? Me neither, because I was too busy running to the other side of the bridge to get away from it. Actually, I was such a little bitch, that the video I have of this epic wildlife encounter is just the camera going everywhere … Continue reading I Survived a Close Encounter with a Bear… and Almost Sh*tting Myself
Growing up, I would definitely say I was sheltered, but that changed pretty quickly when a new family moved into the Lintons' old house. I don't remember much about them, except that my golden retriever, Sam, invited himself to their son's fifth birthday party. He then proceeded to massacre a pack of newborn wiener dogs … Continue reading The Time I Thought I Was Going to Become an Orphan, but Instead Got Interrogated About a Crime
On the way to Laguna, I looked out the window as my roommate drove past the cheap, Hawaiian-themed bar the DILF and I spent some time at before any of the knife wielding, teeth clenching, crazy eyes stuff happened. It was there that we drank Lupa Lupas and got into an actual argument about what era … Continue reading Part Two of My Date From Hell: Royals
Recently, I fell into a pothole. While I wish that was a metaphor, it’s not, because my life is actually a dumpster fire that refuses to burn out. Either way, I like to think that God personally chose me to fall into the San Andreas Fault in front of a group of innocent bystanders and … Continue reading When Life Gives You Potholes, Sponsored by Luke Bryan Gifs