I flew out of my mom's child bride-sized body a month after she turned 20. Oddly enough, her pregnancy was planned, since she wanted to have kids before the end of the world. Yes, you heard that correctly. When I asked her a few years ago why she decided to have children at such a … Continue reading How a Magical Talking Pen Turned Me Into a Childhood Bully
Giving a speech under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol is always a bad idea. Take it from me, kids.
When I was a little girl, my grandmother gave me a present that fueled my nightmares for years. Her name was Puddin', not to be mistaken for Pudding, which is something I actually enjoy. To this day, I'm terrified of babies and dolls, so I just want to take this opportunity to thank my mom … Continue reading How a Doll Named Puddin’ and Her French Sisters Fueled My Childhood Nightmares for Years
Based on a recent traveling experience, let me tell you how much I hate people. On my way back from Seattle, there was a woman sitting next to me on the plane, who felt the need to wrap pretzels in not one, but about nine plastic bags. This meant that every time she reached in … Continue reading I Hate People: Airport Edition.
About a year and a half ago, I fell in love with the city of Savannah, Georgia. Basically, Savannah is forged from the mind of someone who is seriously dark and demented, but also into super cute and pretty stuff, too. If that doesn't sound like me, I don't know what does. Everywhere you step … Continue reading Channeling My Inner Haley Joel Osment at One of Savannah’s Weirdest Airbnb’s
Growing up, I would definitely say I was sheltered, but that changed pretty quickly when a new family moved into the Lintons' old house. I don't remember much about them, except that my golden retriever, Sam, invited himself to their son's fifth birthday party. He then proceeded to massacre a pack of newborn wiener dogs … Continue reading The Time I Thought I Was Going to Become an Orphan, but Instead Got Interrogated About a Crime