I flew out of my mom's child bride-sized body a month after she turned 20. Oddly enough, her pregnancy was planned, since she wanted to have kids before the end of the world. Yes, you heard that correctly. When I asked her a few years ago why she decided to have children at such a … Continue reading How a Magical Talking Pen Turned Me Into a Childhood Bully
When I was in college, one of my best friends dated a now professional football player who was from the ever-so-sultry España. His name was even Alejandro, which made him exactly 99.8% hotter. They got pretty serious, which meant that lucky b*tch got to go to Spain to meet his family. This was before Instagram … Continue reading Well, Spain Was Just as Wonderful as I Thought It’d Be
Riley decided he wanted to throw a small get together on Saturday. He invited everyone to come around at 5:00 p.m. for drinks and a few snacks. For a while, he and I contemplated whether or not we should cancel the party due to the weather, considering the small storm we rolled through over the … Continue reading A Private Concert for a Young Filipino Man and More
A few weeks ago, my boyfriend and chief engineer on an 150 ft. super yacht asked me if I'd be interested in crossing the Atlantic Ocean with him on a massive 700 ft. transport ship called Dockwise. Basically, the Dockwise ship takes 14 super yachts from Fort Lauderdale to the Mediterranean. I can honestly say, … Continue reading Voyaging Across the Atlantic Like a Very Rich Early 20th Century Immigrant
On Wednesday night, I arrived back in California after a short visit to Fort Lauderdale. A few weeks before, I was complaining to my boyfriend about how boring people in California are and that I didn't have much to write about these days. Everyone I know works so hard to maintain an Instagram image and … Continue reading The Moon Isn’t Real, Donald Trump is a Reptilian Alien, and Other Stories by My Lyft Driver
New Zealand is basically like Australia's cooler younger brother. There's no poisonous creatures lurking in the bushes determined to kill you, the beaches and coasts are just as gorgeous, and to be perfectly honest, the people are way more attractive. Sorry, Australia. It's just true. In October, my kiwi boyfriend asked me to go visit … Continue reading Riding in a Creeper Van on the Way to New Zealand, Visiting Akaroa, and Attempting to Eat White Bait
Based on a recent traveling experience, let me tell you how much I hate people. On my way back from Seattle, there was a woman sitting next to me on the plane, who felt the need to wrap pretzels in not one, but about nine plastic bags. This meant that every time she reached in … Continue reading I Hate People: Airport Edition.